Question
Asalaamualaykum Mufti Sahib, I have a couple of questions;
1) Is it preferred to get married young? I’m 19 and wish to get married but especially in culture I’ll be seen as too young, immature etc. Also is it allowed for me and my wife to live separately, whilst we are at university? This is a way to reduce any haraam and sins. And then move in together after university?
2) are they any wazaif you could give me for depression, and fulfilling ones wishes, and for happiness?
3) are there any wazaif someone can read on behalf of someone who has been raped/sexually assaulted? So Allah Ta’ala eases their pain and makes it easy for them.
4) what’s the Sunnah way of getting married? Like having the nikaah, Sunnah acts that should be done and fulfilled. As I want my wedding to be exactly like the Sunnah inshaAllah. JazakAllah Khair, and sorry for so many questions! May Allah Ta’ala reward you for this beautiful service you’ve started MashaAllah.
Answer
Wa Alaykum Al-Salam
Al-Jawaab:
1. It is preferred that people get married at a young age if they have the financial and physical capability to fulfil the rights of their spouse. In the thirty second and thirty third verses of Surah Al-Noor, Allah the Creator has said,
“And marry those off who are single amongst you and the pious of your slaves and maid-servants. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them by His grace. And Allah is the All Capable All Knowing. And those who do not have the means to get married must keep chaste till Allah gives them independence by His grace.”
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,
“O community of the young! He, who possesses the financial and physical capability to marry from amongst you, should get married, because it lowers the gaze (from looking towards ghayr mahaarim) and protects the private parts (from sin). And he who does not possess the capability to marry then he should fast because it (fasting) kills the desires.”
The Quran and Sunnah advise us to have our youth married at a young age if they are financially and physically capable of fulfilling the rights of each other. As long as the financial capability is present and enough, one should not delay marriage waiting for more finances because Allah has promised to enrich those who marry if they are poor. It is also important to note that in order to protect the society and community from filthy sins, it is important to marry the youth at young ages. It is clear that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ advised that marriage protects the gaze from looking towards those men and women that are unlawful for him/her and it also protects the private parts from desiring the unlawful men and women. Although following this advice will not completely eradicate the rising instances of fornication, adultery and rape, it will certainly help decrease them.
Those people who have not had the opportunity to get married and feel uncontrollable desires which distract them from their daily work and concentration should consider fasting or even eating less and remaining slightly hungry. This reduces their sexual desires and prevents the satan from controlling their desires and Allah knows best.
Once a person is married, the person must fulfil the rights of the spouse. There is no harm in living separately due to a necessity such as education or work purposes. However, it is important to ensure that they do not stay away from each other for more than four months at a time. The leader of the believers, Sayyiduna Umar Allah is pleased with him, ordered the people during his Khilaafah that every man must not stay away from his spouse for more than four months. This law that Sayyiduna Umar Allah is pleased with him legislated is in order to prevent any unlawful happening whilst the man is away from his wife and vice versa and Allah knows best.
2. To prevent depression or even cure depression and to attain happiness one should recite the Quran daily at a set time, preferably in the morning at the time of Fajr or after the Sun has risen high. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,
“Indeed he who does not have anything from the Quran inside his body is like an empty house.”
Those who do not recite the Quran or do not know anything from the Quran off by heart are vulnerable to spiritual illnesses such as depression. The more a person recites the Quran or memorises it, the more happier and content he/she will feel. The body becomes enlightened and if Allah wills, the person will be protected from all spiritual and virtual illnesses.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ also said,
“Indeed these hearts rust in the same way as metal does when it comes in contact with water. It was said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! And what is the cure for it?’ He, peace and blessings be upon him said: ‘To frequently remember death and to recite the Quran.’”
This tradition advises us to remember death and recite the Quran in order to fuel and give life to one’s heart and keep it clean and content. The Quran is a very powerful cure for many illnesses and diseases and must not be forsaken. The household in which the residents recite the Quran daily will see many blessings and much happiness in their lives and the household will be protected from all types of evil. Reciting Salawaat upon our Master and Saviour of Mankind Muhammed ﷺ and reciting the Qaseedah Al-Burdah of Imam Sharf Al-Deen Al-Buseri Al-Misri is also very beneficial in curing depression and attaining happiness in life and Allah knows best.
3. A person who has faced or is facing a calamity of any sort that has caused much distress should frequently recite the Tarjee’,
إِنّا لِلَّـهِ وَإِنّا إِلَيهِ رجِعونَ
Those who recite the Tarjee’ upon being conflicted with a calamity or misfortune are favoured by Allah and are showered with mercy and guidance as has been mentioned in Surah Al-Baqarah (Verse: 155, 156, 157),
“And surely we shall try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the patient ones. Those who say; when a misfortune strikes them: Indeed we belong to Allah and indeed unto Him we will return. Those are the people upon whom are the blessings from their Lord, and mercy. It is they who are on guidance.”
The person should recite the Tarjee’ themselves and others may also recite it when hearing of or remembering the misfortune and Allah knows best.
4. The preferred things in a marriage ceremony that have been mentioned in Bahare Shariat are the following:
a. The Nikah should be publicised and happen in the open and not discreet and hidden in closed doors, so that people become aware that these two people are now lawful marital partners.
b. A short sermon should be delivered before the Nikah and it is better to deliver the sermon recorded from the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.
c. It is preferred that the Nikah happens in a Masjid.
d. It is preferred that the Nikah happens on a Friday.
e. It is preferred that the Nikah happens in the presence of pious and reliable witnesses.
f. It is preferred that the bride be less in age, family status, wealth and respect than the groom.
g. It is preferred that the bride be more in good character, manners, piety and beauty than the groom.
Apart from the aforementioned, it is rewarding to provide food for the guests and to dress in clean and pure clothes and it is Sunnah to hold a Waleemah the next day or the day after. One may spend, adorn and magnify the occasion in accordance to his/her financial ability bearing in mind that it is forbidden to waste. It is important to note that Music and dancing is forbidden in Shariah and so it must not occur in a wedding ceremony and over expenditure for glamorising the occasion whereby the bride, groom or their parents or guardians fall in to debts is also forbidden. It is also impermissible to touch, hug and kiss ghyar mahaarim from the opposite gender even if they are relatives or aunts and uncles. It is also forbidden to imitate the non Muslims and therefore those men and women who dress as though it is a Christian wedding should take heed. Therefore suits with ties, sleeveless wedding dresses with an open neck, as well as dresses where more material than what the actual body dress contains is dragged on the floor, are all forbidden. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ, quite clearly warned that those who imitate a people are from amongst them and that they will rise amongst them on the day of resurrection and Allah the Almighty knows all.
Zahid Hussain Al-Qadiri
(Beggar at the doorstep of Scholars)
29th Thu Al-Hijjah 1436 AH
